Peace

As I am setting in my quiet house listen to the birds outside I take in the peace I am feeling from God. For the first time in a long time I am seeking God and wanting him to be the center of my life. I have always had feelings of being inadequate, in my friendships, in my job, in my life. I have come to realize that I am inadequate. However I don't have to be. This week was a very hard week at work. But I tried seeking the Lord and things were not as bad as they could have been. I want to be a better teacher and become slow to anger when the students don't listen. I have been getting very frustrated with some of my students, but I see now that I am really getting frustrated at myself for not giving them what they need to be successful in whatever it is I am asking from them. I as the Lord to guide me and teach me, so that I may be a better example to my students of God's Love. Lord let your peace rain over me and fill my cup. Let my classroom become a place of love and filled with your grace.

Faith

Well my reason for blogging has changed. I started this blog in December when I was expecting my first child. By the end of the first week on January we had lost our child. It was the hardest thing I have ever been through! I know that God helped me have a peace about it. While I continue to have my days I know that it is God's will and that he will provide all that I need in my life when I need it in my life. So after one post on the becoming a mommy blog that part of my life was put on hold,and therefore my blog had a makeover.

Over the past months since our lose I have been seeing God trying to get my attention. This week he completely hit me over the head with a wakeup call. One of the sweetest most Godly women I know, was taken from us this week. At her funeral the pastor challenged us to live or lives for Christ the way Heather did. He wondered if if we met back together a year from now what could we show for the way we lived our lives. This got me to thinking. What do I have to show for my life so far. What kind of legacy would I leave behind? After some deep searching I realized it wasn't as much I hoped it would be, and the only one I have to blame for that is me. Then I church this morning God continued his lesson. In Sunday school we talked about the Israelites and how they complained in the dessert and how God provided the manna they needed. He didn't like that they whined and didn't have faith but he provided for them anyways. I think that is how we act with God. We complain and cry about how bad we have it and God still takes care of us. Imagine how much more joy we would have if we didn't complain and just relied on God and our faith. I want to experience pure joy in fellowship with God, not just be content to fuss and wait for him to give me what i need. Then in Church the sermon was about walking on water. Peter had the faith out of all the twelve that were in the boat to take a step out onto the water. He was the only one to take that risk. He was successful till he took his eyes of Jesus. I think that sometimes I am one of the other twelve just chillin in the boat waiting for the waves and the wind to die down. Although Peter ended up falling he had the faith to step out there and try. I want to be like Peter and Heather and take a step of faith.